This week there were too many absurdities to pick just one for my weekly commentary, so I decided to ape ESPN’s popular “C’mon Man!” segment where the MNF gang nominates their favorite boneheaded plays of the week.
Boomer: How did they hurt themselves in a bye week? The post-election injury report is so long Gloria Alred can’t decide which ambulance to chase - Nancy Pe-lose-i, Ben weekend at Benanke’s, sing along with Mitch O’Connell, or he could…go...all…the….way…to…India Barack Obama. Who do you like, Tom?
TJ: I have to go with Ben Bernanke, Boom. Four straight 3-and-outs with monetary stimulus and the fool audibles another $800 billion of “quantitative easing” right into the teeth of a Ron Raul blitz. Do you know how bad do you have to be at it for the Chinese to lecture you on sound money? C’mon Man!
Chris: I wanna know why the media busted Bristol Palin’s chops for Dancing With The Stars? Did you see Barack and Michelle embarrassing those kids in India? Rex Ryan and Andy Reed move better than that. $200 million a day and you couldn’t pay for a lesson? C’mon Man!
Keyshawn: How about this for balls over brains? Nancy Pelosi hosts a victory party for lobbyists in the Congressional Office Building to celebrate their legislative accomplishments? Nancy, you lost 60-0; that ain’t no accomplishment. C’mon Girl!
Coach Ditka: Up in Wisconsin they got a hundred lawyers trying to stop the exiting Democrat governor’s high-speed rail boondoggle. Hey, Scott - all those egg-heads over at the University of Wisconsin and you can’t find one endangered salamander or “discover” one sacred Indian burial mound? C’mon man!
Boomer: When it comes to tone deaf, sing-along-with Mitch O’Connell takes the cake. The Tea Party put their guy into the Senate from McConnell’s own state and the idiot’s first move is to stand up for earmarks? C’mon Man!
And now a word from our sponsor…..
“Hi, I’m Jamie Lee Curtis, the poop yogurt lady. When yogurt isn’t enough, I just watch MSNBC – it’s kind of like running water to pee; you watch crap to poop. It’s free and effective, and now that Keith Olbermann is gone, you don’t have to worry about dangerous side effects – vomiting, high blood pressure, or a cussing fit that lasts more than four hours.”
Ditka: Hey, I forgot about MSNBC and Olbermann. How come they suspended him for making a campaign contribution to Democrats? The whole flippin’ network is a campaign contribution to Democrats – who do they think they are, NPR? C’mon Man!
Chris: If we all get two, then how about the Republican caucus not putting a single tea party candidate into a leadership position? Do really think Steele won it for them? C’mon Man!
TJ: Keyshawn had the right player but the wrong play. Nancy Pelosi stays on as head of the Democratic Caucus after she serves up the worst shellacking in 70 years – even Jerry Jones had enough sense to fire Wade Phillips after the Packers spanked the Cowboys. C’mon Man!
Keyshawn: Did you see Chris Mathews get bitch-slapped by Michelle Bachman? I don’t think she is even 5 feet tall and he got abused on national TV. C’mon man!
Boomer: Good one, Key - Chris I-wish-I-was-Clay Mathews really got his bell rung by Michelle my belle Bachman and then pouted like Chad Ochocinco for the rest of the night. Well, that’s it for this edition of “C’mon Man” – enjoy the game!
[Cue Hank Williams, Jr. into music] “So get ready….I said get ready….Are you ready for some liberty? A two-year tea par-ty? We want the dems and ‘pubs to know that we’re just a-getting’ start-ed. The public is psyched and we’re ready to fight – all my rowdy friends are watchin’ you day and night.”
There you go - and like Monday Night Football, let’s all hope for a hard-fought game that is relevant, injury free, and played with respect. Game on!
“Moment Of Clarity” is a weekly commentary by Libertarian writer and speaker Tim Nerenz, Ph.D. Visit Tim’s website www.timnerenz.com to find your moment and order his new book, “Tooth Fairy Government.”